Pass the ass, please
by BostonSox-Fan
Summary: Honestly, how awkward could it get, right? ...Right? Another tea driven fic by me!


A/N: Whilst exploring this lovely little site, I made a disturbing discovery. Ron Weasley is simply not getting enough ass. I mean… you know it's bad when Draco is getting more ass than you. And then I wondered, "How would Ron handle not getting ass?" Here is my answer: I don't own Harry Potter. Wait, what? That's not an answer. Oh well, I've had lots of tea, so it's time to move on. (P.S.- Don't kill me Draco fans! I love him just as much as the next gal… but I mean come on… You've gotta love Ron.)

**Pass the ass, please.**

_By BostonSox-Fan_

The early morning light filtered in through violently orange curtains, causing Ron Weasley to groan and swat at the annoyance that he couldn't stop.

"Fimominute," Ron mumbled into his Chudley Cannons pillowcase. Molly Weasley had other plans, however, and came bursting through his door in a cheery manner that was rather unnerving considering the hour.

"Get up, Ronnie! You have to degnome the garden before lunch, and then you have to figure out a way to get Harry out of this house! All he's been doing lately is moping about, and I won't stand for it any longer!"

"Um… Mrs. Weasley, I'm right over here," said a shock of messy black hair and limbs that were tangled up in the sheets of the other bed situated in the room.

"In that case, why don't you both go degnome the garden after a bit of breakfast, hmm? Come on now, get a move on! I want you both downstairs in ten minutes!" The mildly blushing Mrs. Weasley bustled her way out of the room, leaving a groaning Harry and Ron in her wake.

Ten minutes later, the pair bumbled down the stairs, sidled up to the kitchen table, and commenced shoving almost whole pancakes down their throats. Ginny and Hermione, who were eating as well (only in considerably smaller bites), made disgusted faces before restarting their conversation on going swimming at the pond later on. Harry accepted Ginny's invitation to join them (though nobody else heard it), and gave her a wink that caused a faint blush to crawl up her neck. Ron thought it was unbelievable that, despite their quite recent breakup, they still managed to flirt like that. He surreptitiously let his eyes wander towards Hermione, his eyes practically popping out of his head as she attempted to reach across the table to grab something or other, staring at her behind as she bent over the table…

"Could you pass the ass please, Ron?"

_…Ass? _Ron let his eyes flick over the table for a moment, taking in all the assorted food before him. _Pancakes, bacon, eggs, muffins, toast. Nope, no ass._ "Sorry, what was that?"

"Pass the ass, please." Hermione indicated what she was requesting with a nod of her head, only to get a confused look from Ron.

Ron looked towards where she was nodding, blinking a couple of times. _Jar of juice, bacon, forks. No ass. What in the bloody hell was going on this morning._ He looked up at her, his head tilting to the side a bit as he leaned over. _She couldn't possibly know I was looking at her ass… Oh Merlin, I'm looking again. And she's watching. Play it off, stay calm._

Ron was anything but calm. As soon as he realized that he was once again staring at Hermione's bottom as she stood with her hands on her hips, blinking at him, his hand shot out to grab the first thing he saw. He managed to knock over his juice, before snatching up a piece of toast and offering it to her. Hermione only stared at him, before taking what was left of the toast from Ron's clenched fist. Ron grinned stupidly at her, allowing his hand to drop back onto the table and right into Harry's eggs.

"Right, um. Harry, could you please pass that glass?" Harry nodded vaguely as he passed over the empty glass to Hermione, staring at Ron and mouthing the words 'What are you thinking?'. Ginny didn't manage to suppress her giggles, while Mrs. Weasley tutted softly and cleaned up the mess Ron had made.

Thankfully, Ron managed to keep his mind off of Hermione and that little 'incident' long enough to finish breakfast. He darted out into the garden afterwards, Harry hot on his heels. The pair didn't say much for awhile, simply catching the fleeing gnomes and flinging them as far as possible. After Harry flung his fourteenth gnome over the garden wall (which he had a sneaking suspicion was the same gnome he had thrown only minutes earlier), he turned to look at Ron, grinning.

"You were doing that thing again, weren't you? Where you don't quite hear what Hermione says because you were distracted by her bottom?" This matter-of-fact statement only managed to get Ron to turn a bright red, before he mumbled, "Well it is rather nice." Harry laughed for the rest of the morning.

-This is the interlude, where the author runs to the kitchen to get more tea-

-The author realizes, after she gets her tea, that you wouldn't have noticed-

-Oh well-

Harry and Ron trudged out towards the pond in their swimming trunks a few hours later to meet up with Ginny and Hermione. Ron was desperately seeking a way to avoid looking at Hermione, while Harry was desperately seeking a way to be alone with Ginny. Their problem was quickly solved with Harry's tact (or at least Harry's problem was).

"Hey Ginny, come take a walk with me." Harry had no tact.

Ginny complied, and as the pair walked away, Ron caught snatches of their conversation; words like 'bottom' and 'crumpled toast'. Ron muttered some, plopping down by Hermione without thinking. He accidentally brushed up against her, before springing away from her like he had been burned.

_Just stay cool, Ron. Act like you meant to do that. Say you want to go swimming, and remember to stay cool._

"I like your ass!" Ron shouted at Hermione. _Not quite what I had in mind…_ "Ascot…! Is that what that thing is?" _Well… at least you managed to cover up the ass thing. You're still yelling at her though._

Hermione stared bewilderedly at Ron, before shaking her head and standing up. "It's a sarong, Ron. Um, shall we go swimming?" Before waiting for a reply, she took off the sarong and ran to the end of the shabbily made dock, diving into the small pond. Ron could only stare in shock, before she yelled for him to hurry up. He glanced down for a moment, before thinking that the shock of the cold water would do him good at this point.

Oh how wrong Ron was.

At first he didn't really have a problem swimming with Hermione. They played around, and the water was just murky enough that he couldn't see her behind! It was perfect! But then their splash-fights got more intense, and he finally ended up grabbing her around the middle and attempting to dunk her. But the sudden contact brought back unwanted feelings while he was this close to her, so he released her and shouted the first thing that came to mind once again.

"I like you, Hermione!" _I know that the truth will set you free and all, Ron, but this is your conscience… and I'm telling you that she doesn't like you that way. Especially after yelling about ascots._

Oh how wrong his conscience was.

Hermione stared at him for a few moments, before swimming closer and murmuring that she liked him (and his bottom), too. They both leaned forward at the same time, though Ron was still a bit jumpy and eager, and they managed to knock noses. After a nervous laugh, they leaned in once more. The kiss only lasted for a few seconds, but it was the best few seconds of both of their lives up to that point.

Ginny leaned against Harry as they sat a little ways off in the distance, sighing something about how romantic it all was. Only when she felt Harry shaking with silent laughter did she give him a quick hit on his bare chest, muttering.

"Oh come off it, Ginny. You know I love your ascot, as well."

- The End! -

A/N: I bet you thought you were going to get to see some naughty stuff, didn't you? Well, not today, kiddies. However! This is my sad attempt to get any and all Ron and Hermione writers to get cracking! Or maybe it's the tea talking? But that's besides the point! I'm going to be working on a rather long story coming up shortly, and along with school and the likes, I won't be able to put out volumes of romantic Ron and Hermione stories. Or stories of any kind, actually. Though… have I written about much else? Anyways, now I'm rambling, and am surprised you're still reading. What are you doing still reading? You're supposed to be writing! Go! Shoo! (Review!) … Hey, that rhymes.


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